Zambrano Is A Nerd

So it turns out that the elbow problems that Chicago Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano has been experiencing recently are not due to wear and tear from pitching, fielding, or even batting. ESPN reports that it is due to the extensive amount of e-mailing that Zambrano has been doing (four hours a day!).

A part of me is excited to hear that a major league baseball player loves his computer that much. Another part of me wishes he would do something more productive with his free time.

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Ben Sheets update: After being on the DL for almost a month, Sheets is planning on making his return Saturday night against Houston. Watch out, Cardinals...here come the Brewers.

Name The Movie...

Below is a movie quotation. Try and guess what movie the line is from. No googling please. Happy guessing.

"But you know what the best part of my day is? The ten seconds before I knock on your door, 'cause I let myself think I might get there, and you'd be gone. I'd knock on the door and you wouldn't be there. You just left. Now I don't know much, but I know that."

Insult Monger

Disgusted by what someone wrote or said and you want to insult them, but you just can't find the words? Well, you're in luck, because the Insult Monger and its insult generator has everything you need to poetically insult someone. Enjoy!

Standing Up for Milwaukee

From the Journal-Sentinel (Milwaukee paper):

"Mets ace Pedro Martinez, who called Milwaukee a "boring" city before making his first career start against the Brewers on Saturday night, redirected his ire at Miller Park fans after that game.

"I saw a lot of people here, a lot of people, even though some of them were really nasty out there," he said. "Two of them mentioned my mama. Milwaukee is really nice; I didn't expect that from Milwaukee.

"I felt that they were going to come and see me, and they did. But to mention my mama a couple of times, that wasn't very pretty. Too many beers around here, too many breweries.""

I apologize, Pedro, that two Brewers fans mentioned your mama. They probably were just wishing her a Happy Mother's Day. Pedro, do a favor for me: cut your freakin' hair.

Office Bathroom Ethics, Part II

Today we divulge into the world of the stall. The following principles were grounded in the world of the three-stall bathroom, but hopefully can be applicable in all situations. I recommend taking good notes. Here we go:

1) Before entry into the bathroom when you will making using of the stall, it is advised that you make no indications that you will be doing business in the stall. Such things not recommended include bringing obvious reading material with you or joking with a co-worker that you'll be in the bathroom "for quite a while".

2) Upon entry into the bathroom, it is important to detect quickly the available stalls. This detection can be done by a subtle swoop down to check for feet. It is not enough to check for closed doors, because some stalls may have loose doors and be occupied without a closed door. After detection of empty stalls, proceed to the empty stall furthest away from an occupied stall.

3) If you detect that all stalls are occupied (and this is why early detection is key), take a quick detour to the sink, wash your hands, and leave. You may feel awkward for just walking in to wash your hands (though some may think you just got back from lunch and need to wash up), but let me inform that washing your hands in that situation is ten times less awkward than walking up to the occupied stalls, then having to turn around and leave.

4) Before sitting down in the stall, note any identification (i.e. ID badge, name tag) that you have and quickly dispose of it by placing into your pocket. It is not advisable to allow yourself to be identified when in the stall.

5) While conducting business on the stall, any loud noises must be muffled by a cough or sneeze. There are no exceptions, unless you are sure that you are alone in the entire bathroom.

6) I believe in the courtesy flush, but I only believe in it as a guideline. It is up to you when and how you want to use the courtesy flush.

7) A safe guideline for exit of the stall is to exit when you are sure no one else is in the bathroom. This will minimize awkwardness at the sink and upon exit of the bathroom. And yes, washing hands (with soap) is absolutely necessary following stall business.

I hope these seven simple guidelines help you enjoy the stall-life in a safer and less-awkward manner. As always, I am open to answering questions posed in the comments.