Office Bathroom Ethics, Part II

Today we divulge into the world of the stall. The following principles were grounded in the world of the three-stall bathroom, but hopefully can be applicable in all situations. I recommend taking good notes. Here we go:

1) Before entry into the bathroom when you will making using of the stall, it is advised that you make no indications that you will be doing business in the stall. Such things not recommended include bringing obvious reading material with you or joking with a co-worker that you'll be in the bathroom "for quite a while".

2) Upon entry into the bathroom, it is important to detect quickly the available stalls. This detection can be done by a subtle swoop down to check for feet. It is not enough to check for closed doors, because some stalls may have loose doors and be occupied without a closed door. After detection of empty stalls, proceed to the empty stall furthest away from an occupied stall.

3) If you detect that all stalls are occupied (and this is why early detection is key), take a quick detour to the sink, wash your hands, and leave. You may feel awkward for just walking in to wash your hands (though some may think you just got back from lunch and need to wash up), but let me inform that washing your hands in that situation is ten times less awkward than walking up to the occupied stalls, then having to turn around and leave.

4) Before sitting down in the stall, note any identification (i.e. ID badge, name tag) that you have and quickly dispose of it by placing into your pocket. It is not advisable to allow yourself to be identified when in the stall.

5) While conducting business on the stall, any loud noises must be muffled by a cough or sneeze. There are no exceptions, unless you are sure that you are alone in the entire bathroom.

6) I believe in the courtesy flush, but I only believe in it as a guideline. It is up to you when and how you want to use the courtesy flush.

7) A safe guideline for exit of the stall is to exit when you are sure no one else is in the bathroom. This will minimize awkwardness at the sink and upon exit of the bathroom. And yes, washing hands (with soap) is absolutely necessary following stall business.

I hope these seven simple guidelines help you enjoy the stall-life in a safer and less-awkward manner. As always, I am open to answering questions posed in the comments.